Raising Friends or Competitors is our choice - My View on Child Comparisons

At times I wonder, why do we encourage our kids to be friendly and sociable? Be it with neighborhood kids or the friends from their day care or school. Is it because we need a living milestone chart hanging around the house that can be used for comparing anytime and every time our child makes a mistake or not in a mood? I am one hundred percent against child to child comparisons. All the parents, I have had the pleasure of being acquainted with are all very well educated and are up to date on the child psychology. I understand that all moms are proud of their kids, but there is always a subtle comparison, which comes up every time we chat. Once I asked a mom why is she interested in knowing what is going on with another kid and was surprised and shocked to hear the answer. She said that is how she learns that her child is on the right milestone growth. What on earth makes her think that every other child she sees is a milestone chart for her own?

Honest to God, I have never compared my son with any other kid till now. This does not mean I just leave him to grow and learn on his own.  We share a great bond. I appreciate him for what he does. I teach him anything and everything that is right for his age. I let him make mistakes and learn from them. I discipline him. I play with him. I feed him. I bath him. I love him for what he is. All these, I do without comparing him with other any other child and he has turned out very well, earning the award for best behavior and overall performance at his playschool. We were given a positive feedback that he greets everyone on his own, is showing lot of empathy and helps others around him.  I am sharing this not to boast or brag about it, but to boost the confidence in moms that raising a confident child is easier. 

We want our son to be strong, just not physically and intellectually, but also emotionally and socially and so do all the parents. Child psychologists have been reminding us, the parents not to use the comparison tool to discipline a child because it shrinks their self-esteem and affects their social and emotional skills. Every child is different and has talents on their own that is incomparable.  The wonderful moms I have as friends too agree with this. Some of the moms feel the societal and pressure is what makes them compare their child. I agree to that, but can’t we be conscious and try not to raise comparisons every time our child declines a food or not in the mood to talk or do some activity. I think we can do it. I know it is easier said than done. But moms can and will do anything for their children. A Proud Mother Will Go To The Greatest Limits For Her Children – A quote I happen to saw a few days back on Face Book. It is so true.

Another pointless question pops up every time we discuss this topic is - If it is possible to discipline and faculty a child, without any comparisons, then why were we brought up with too many comparisons, even for the way we dress and the food we eat? A big question our parents will never be able to answer. I asked my mom the same question once and she said she thought that is how she could talk sense into a child and all the parents at that time were doing the same, comparing the children to each other. I realize that few of my childhood acquaintances that would have become a lifelong friendship had become competitions just because of the comparison and the pressure to perform more than the other. Gosh! I wish I had more friends than competitors. I am sure many of you will agree with me.

I hope you share your honest views and opinions. Let us discuss. Raising Friends or competitors is our choice.