How I Became a MOM

Late last year, I had registered a blog specifically to share my moments with my little darling. I had published a couple of posts too in that blog. Due to some family pressures and commitments I could not continue writing posts. After things got settled last month, I launched this new blogger website to get back to writing not just about my little one alone, but about everything that’s going on in my mind. I wish and hope to continue writing this time, as far as it can take me. Anyway, there was a post in my earlier blog AryaaAndMe wherein I have shared the story of my motherhood. You guessed it right!..My little darling's name is Aryaa. On this mother’s day 2013, I want to share it in this blog.

So here it is.

It was only after 2 years of our marriage in 2002, did we even talk about having a child. We were practically living and enjoying our life in our own way, without any major responsibilities. It took another couple of years for us to decide that we were ready to become parents. But God had different plans. All our effort at becoming parents went in vain for next 2 years. When we completed six successful years of marriage, we decided to get ourselves tested. The gynecologists used our desperateness to conceive and  I had to undergo a couple of laproscopy treatments. Time just passed, with no result but people suggesting new doctors every time and various other methods of conception. Every time, my period got delayed, even a day or two, I used to look for those two pink lines in the test kit eagerly. When the second pink line did not appear, I have cried in silence in the bathroom. I was deeply wounded by comments from some people including friends. Most people could not understand, what we were going through.

Finally, in the month of April 2009, we met a very polite and blessed doctor couple who reassured us that there are no major problems and with a couple of medications, we will definitely conceive naturally. By God's grace, by September end of that same year, I missed my periods and yes, the long wait for those two pink lines were finally over. God! I still remember those moments, it was 7.30 pm in the evening on 30 September 2009, that I spoke to the doctor over the phone informing her about the pink lines and that she told me to get it confirmed from the lab early next morning before sharing it with others. Both of us couldn't sleep. Finally, when the lab results came in the morning by 8.30 am, we had the whole family on the conference line and announced the HAPPIEST NEWS. 

We were overwhelmed with joy, also a bit afraid since the moment has finally come. All the poojas and prayers and the temple visits finally paid off. But I had a bit of difficulty in the 3rd month when the cyst in my right ovary got big and twisted. The doctors had to remove the ovary to save the baby and me. But I was so scared about what would happen to the baby if they have to give me anesthesia and medications. I remember crying in teh OT and the anesthetist told me " Look here, If you baby is a strong baby, it will survive everything.". sometimes, I still hear her voice. May be because those were the last words, I could hear, before drifting of to sleep when I underwent about 4-5 hrs of surgery with my little baby in the womb. Thank God! My baby survived everything and arrived grand on May 19 2010. We named him Aryaa on June 3rd.

Ever since his arrival, I have started celebrating motherhood everyday. Yes, there were times, when I miss my "days before Aryaa". I have even thought of running away from everything, when we had to handle him all alone right from his first month.  But God has blessed me with a very supportive husband. We were able to scrape through all the unpleasant times. Even though, it was hard to adopt to the breast feeding, soiled nappies, sudden tantrums, my health issues etc., with only 3-4 hrs of sleep a day, I sailed through it day by day, one at a time. 

I may not be the "Ideal Mom" and my way of bringing him up and my parenting techniques may not appeal well to others or even raise their eyebrows at times. But deep down my heart, I know that I am doing what is best for my son. I may not jump and help him every time when he falls flat, but I and I only know that my heart misses a beat at that time. I get scared, whenever I see media discussing a crime related to kids. I feel happy when he rushes into my arm every time, even when his papa is around. I enjoy his dance moves and the songs that he make up. I feel proud whenever he is complimented by others. I pretend to fall prey for his naughty tricks. I freak out, when he throws tantrums but I am happy to hear him talk like a grown up. HE COMPLETES ME.

We are blessed to have him as our son and he has brought calm and peace and fulfillment into our lives and changed me into a respectable personality. Above all, he has made me A MOTHER. What else could I ask for!! 

HAPPY MOTHER"S DAY :)

The link to the same post on my earlier blog – http://aryaaandme.blogspot.in/2012/11/i-celebrate-my-motherhood.html

No Yelling, No Matter What

Before we got pregnant, we had a neighbor mom who spanked her 3 year old daughter, every time the child hits her just to seek attention or for fun. The mom would reason saying its hurting her and that her child should know how it feels when someone hits you. Since I had noticed the disappointment and embarrassment many times in the child’s eye, I was certain that I should not yell at or scold my child at any point of time. But now, have I lived up to my own words? I doubt.

As proud parents – me and my husband, we discuss on ways and methods to handle our sweet little boy’s behavior – be it good or bad. We remind each other about the “No yelling and No spanking” method. But then, what makes us forget the love and care towards our child whenever he throws tantrums, yell or embarrass us. Of late, I realized it is not the child’s anger and temper, but it is mine. I might have showed my frustrations or perhaps I may have yelled at him for his tantrums since he was a little baby, even before he started talking. He is very smart – observed me very well and just reflecting me, thinking that yelling and shouting is the way to show frustrations. What a scary mirror image! My God! What have I done? It is never too late to make a change.

I certainly want to be an ideal mom to my little boy, but there are times when his behavior and non-cooperation brings frustration and conflict. Every time this happens, I tell him “You are not listening to mama, so don’t talk to me”. At times when the tantrums are uncontrollable, I lose my cool and yell at him. I am ashamed to say that I have even spanked him a couple of time. His sweet answer in either of the case is always “Sorry mama. I will not do it. Never again”. It makes me feel guilty and I too apologize to him immediately. My heart just melts away when he says sorry. I get possessed by a cloud of guilt and become teary eyed.  The next thing I do is take him in my lap or get down to his eye level, reason to him why I lost my control and explain that mama does not like what you do. I feel guilty and I apologize for yelling at him and losing my control. I have even cried on his arms. He understands every bit of it too.  I realize our little boy is barely 3 and he is allowed to yell and throw tantrums if something is amiss, but what I don’t understand is I am 35 and why I throw tantrums at him when he does not listen to me. I quietly tell myself “What is wrong with you? He is just a kid. You are not. You could have handled the situation well, without yelling.” True. Yes, I could have handled such situations better. I am sure majority of the moms recognize these moments. The child hood tantrums and anger is not going to go away on its own. He has got every right to grow up as a child and not behave like a civilized adult.

So, on the day of our 11thwedding Anniversary, which fell on 25 April 2013, I made a resolution – not to yell at the apple of my eye, henceforth. I knew this is going to be hard. Believe me, it is! I am consciously reminding myself to keep calm whenever my temper reaches peak. Its harder than I have imagined. But I am not going to give up on myself. I can do better. I am sure I will live up to my resolution. I am a woman of words. I do not promise anything or anyone easily, but the moment I give the word, I will try hard and harder to keep it – although at times such promises come back and bite me. I know its too early to judge my footing on this resolution, but I felt the need to share it and make it a promise to the world. So here it is – My words of promise to you all – No Yelling No Matter What.

I would love to hear a few words of encouragement from you all. It would be great if you could share your views and opinions and how you handle the tantrums. I too would love to share some of my moments post resolution. After all parenting is the biggest Responsibility in life.

Raising Friends or Competitors is our choice - My View on Child Comparisons

At times I wonder, why do we encourage our kids to be friendly and sociable? Be it with neighborhood kids or the friends from their day care or school. Is it because we need a living milestone chart hanging around the house that can be used for comparing anytime and every time our child makes a mistake or not in a mood? I am one hundred percent against child to child comparisons. All the parents, I have had the pleasure of being acquainted with are all very well educated and are up to date on the child psychology. I understand that all moms are proud of their kids, but there is always a subtle comparison, which comes up every time we chat. Once I asked a mom why is she interested in knowing what is going on with another kid and was surprised and shocked to hear the answer. She said that is how she learns that her child is on the right milestone growth. What on earth makes her think that every other child she sees is a milestone chart for her own?

Honest to God, I have never compared my son with any other kid till now. This does not mean I just leave him to grow and learn on his own.  We share a great bond. I appreciate him for what he does. I teach him anything and everything that is right for his age. I let him make mistakes and learn from them. I discipline him. I play with him. I feed him. I bath him. I love him for what he is. All these, I do without comparing him with other any other child and he has turned out very well, earning the award for best behavior and overall performance at his playschool. We were given a positive feedback that he greets everyone on his own, is showing lot of empathy and helps others around him.  I am sharing this not to boast or brag about it, but to boost the confidence in moms that raising a confident child is easier. 

We want our son to be strong, just not physically and intellectually, but also emotionally and socially and so do all the parents. Child psychologists have been reminding us, the parents not to use the comparison tool to discipline a child because it shrinks their self-esteem and affects their social and emotional skills. Every child is different and has talents on their own that is incomparable.  The wonderful moms I have as friends too agree with this. Some of the moms feel the societal and pressure is what makes them compare their child. I agree to that, but can’t we be conscious and try not to raise comparisons every time our child declines a food or not in the mood to talk or do some activity. I think we can do it. I know it is easier said than done. But moms can and will do anything for their children. A Proud Mother Will Go To The Greatest Limits For Her Children – A quote I happen to saw a few days back on Face Book. It is so true.

Another pointless question pops up every time we discuss this topic is - If it is possible to discipline and faculty a child, without any comparisons, then why were we brought up with too many comparisons, even for the way we dress and the food we eat? A big question our parents will never be able to answer. I asked my mom the same question once and she said she thought that is how she could talk sense into a child and all the parents at that time were doing the same, comparing the children to each other. I realize that few of my childhood acquaintances that would have become a lifelong friendship had become competitions just because of the comparison and the pressure to perform more than the other. Gosh! I wish I had more friends than competitors. I am sure many of you will agree with me.

I hope you share your honest views and opinions. Let us discuss. Raising Friends or competitors is our choice.

Wedding Anniversaries are always special

Yesterday -  25^th April was our 11^th Wedding Anniversary. Hard to believe that it’s been 11 years already. Although, I just cannot accept that we are getting old, the love and respect for each other grows every year. I believe that we complement and complete each other. My charming hubby always turns our anniversaries into memorable and special, no matter what. Apart from a surprise gift, our wedding anniversaries have always been a day together with a visit to the temple, a movie in a multiplex and a dinner at a restaurant, till a couple of years back. Once our little prince was born, things changed. He is turning 3 next month. So, that means, it’s been 3 years since I watched a movie in the theater. Our lunches and dinners at restaurant are always in haste. Yet we have enjoyed each and every moment with our little one.

This year anniversary - it’s completely different. My husband was required at the office the entire day for a couple of meetings, which means this was the first anniversary that we haven’t spent in our typical way. I am down with back pain too. So this year is also going to be memorable one, but for different reasons. But wait; there is one great thing that happened to us early in the morning. It was the loving wish from our dear son. That was the first wish of the day too. What best can we hope for? I am not sure why we have not made a big deal about not celebrating the anniversary our usual way – Movies and Dinner. We both were okay with the way things turned out yesterday. I have faced separation anxiety earlier, if we are not able to spend our time together on a special occasion. But yesterday was different. There was no separation anxiety.  Is it the maturity? Or Are we tired of anniversary celebrations? No, we cannot be tired. We would always grab up any chance to be with each other or celebrate an occasion, every time an opportunity presents itself. Oh! My! I have matured to handle the otherwise situation too. Thank God for that. Anyway, deep in my heart, I knew I will receive a surprise gift, no matter what, from my hubby. My intuition was not wrong. My better half came home with this year’s perfect anniversary gift - 3 pairs of earrings from Estelle.

All are beautiful and Gosh! I love them. It suits my face too. We spent a lovely evening with a quite dinner at home and enjoyed our little prince dance and play. It was perfect! Who needs an expensive dinner and a movie in theater when those who love you for what you are, are holding your hands and are really happy to be with you too. I cannot thank god enough every day for a perfect family. I Love you, my dear hubby. I love you, my sweet little prince. Thank you both for making my anniversary so special. Wedding Anniversaries are always special.

First Vacation of this year - Family Fun at Ooty, The Queen of Hills

Two vacations a year!....that’s our plan to relax and renew. A hill station vacation during the scorching summer is nothing but an escape to heaven. Our little fun trip was totally unplanned even though Ooty was on our vacation list for this year. We even speculated few other get away spots. But in a sudden spur of the moment, on a warm Sunday evening exactly a week before our vacation, we decided to spend our Ugadi holidays in ooty. Without wasting a moment, we called up The Sherlock to book their best cottage. Unfortunately they were overbooked, but the front desk lady, did refer The Kings Cliff which is also a part of their group of hotels. So we booked a cottage with the best view cottage at The Kings Cliff – The Hamlet – for 3 nights, 4 days – 8^th till 11^th April 2013. Surprised by the name of the cottage - Oh! Yes, the Littlearth group has adopted Shakespeare as the theme for Kings Cliff. And! We decided to travel by our car and we even booked a driver with the Bangalore Drivers on the same day to drive us around the entire trip.

We were all packed up and ready by early Monday morning – 8^th April. The driver was very prompt and arrived at our place, exactly by 10 minutes to 5 in the morning and we left for our fun trip by 5.45 a.m. Since it was an early morning drive, all of us were fresh and enjoyed the entire drive. We stopped at Mysore for breakfast for about 30 minutes and then continued on. We travelled through the Bandipur and Mudumalai forests and were lucky to spot an elephant family other than the spotted deers and monkeys that make the forest drive through fun and interesting. Once we were out of the Mudumalai Forest Zone, we had two choices before us to continue our trip – via Masinagudi or via Gudulur. We were told that Gudulur route is about 17 kms more than the other one. So we decided on the Masinagudi route. Our opinion of this route – AVOID. The roads were very bad and narrow, there is hardly enough space even one car to drive. We had to stop every time for the vehicles from opposite direction. There are way too many hairpin bends – 36 to be precise and all of them scary too. Every turn was an adventure. We had to drive very slowly throughout the way up hill which added up to the time we saved on taking the short distant route. And so we reached our destination after an exciting and adventurous 6 hrs long journey – The Kings Cliff by 11.45 a.m. The weather was very pleasant. Sunny yet not hot, Cloudy yet no rain, cool yet not cold. Gosh! It was amazing and the view from our cottage was terrific too.

By 12.30 noon we were all checked in and settled. We decided to lunch at The Earl’s Court restaurant in The Kings Cliff itself. The ambience of the restaurant was commendable with some antique paintings and historical facts about the cottage. The service, the quality and the quantity of the food were good too. The food was excellent and flavorsome, but the price – we felt was quite high. The restaurant has Indian, Italian, Mexican and Continental menu, but, ne thing, I don’t understand is that the restaurant is in Ooty, Tamilnadu and I could not find a single south Indian menu in the entire Indian Menu section. I wonder, why and how could the management think that only North Indian food menu will suffice the entire Indian Cuisine. I was so disappointed; after all, I was planning for a mouthwatering South Indian Meal Menu. So, for the rest of our stay, we had to cover our lunch and dinner at other restaurants. The complimentary breakfast spread, which I have to say, we enjoyed not only because it came free but it was very detailed, fresh and tasteful. The overall service, ambience, view, front desk, landscape and the managers were quite exceptional.

Although we did not have an itinerary plan of our sightseeing trip, we wanted to cover the important places. So after our little chat with the front desk at The Kings Cliff, we decided to head out to the man-made artificial lake and the first ever thread garden. We had fun in the motor boat, the toy train ride near the boat house. Although my little prince was very tired, he enjoyed all the rides including the horse riding near the lake. He is going to be 3 next month and I have seen some adults who are scared to even go near the horse. It seemed he is a natural at horse riding. He was patting and talking to the horse as he was riding. I am happy we said yes to the nice family photo in minutes, offered by the professional photographers at the tourist spots. The charge for these photos is very minimal and they are a treasure to keep, with lot of happy memories to it. We spent some time inside the Thread Garden, the first of its kind. It was amazing and interesting to see the handmade plants and flowers that were wrapped with thread.  The next day we covered the Pine forest, the 6^th Mile and the 9^th Mile shooting spots, the Pykara boat ride and the Doddabetta Peak. We heard that the water was very less in the Pykara Water Falls and so we ditched it. The Pykara boat ride (6 seater) was wonderful with nice scenic views all around. There is a speed motor boat ride too that looked awesome. We were too tired to try that after a daylong adventure in horse riding and a steep walk inside the pine forest.  Doddabetta is a must visit peak. Surrounded by ranges and ranges of mountains and hills, the sunset view at Doddobetta is really incredible and awesome. On the third day, we hopped on to The Heritage Train / Toy train ride from ooty to coonoor.. The general class ticket cost us only Rs.5/- each and the train was maintained very well. It was very neat and not crowded at all. We grabbed the corner seats on to the opposite side of the entrance to the train because that is the side that has breath taking views all along till coonoor. This heritage train ride is something one should not miss on their trip to ooty. We had arranged for the driver to pick us up at the coonoor station from where we went to the Government’s Rose Garden. Beautifully landscaped with a variety of roses that you could not even keep count, the rose garden is a real feast for the eyes although, we could not see much since the blooming season was just starting. And! So we ended our sights seeing at ooty to pack up for back to Bangalore the next day.

On 11^th April, after 4 days of great fun and relaxation, after our breakfast, we drove back to Bangalore via Gudulur, cautiously avoiding the Masinagudi route. Since we left a little after 10.30, we felt the scorching heat of the sun throughout, thanks to the SC order to ban the tinted glass. We had to take couple of extra breaks under the shades of trees to refresh ourselves. And so we arrived finally at quarter to 6. Yes, it took 7 long hours to come back. Gosh! We wished we could have spent some more days at the Queen of Hills. We miss Ooty. All thanks to God, we had wonderful evening showers at Bangalore on the same day. Guess it was Bangalore reminding us how awesome it used to be a few years back with evening showers every day and a cool and breezy weather all around the year. Yes, we miss that old Bangalore too.