No Yelling, No Matter What

Before we got pregnant, we had a neighbor mom who spanked her 3 year old daughter, every time the child hits her just to seek attention or for fun. The mom would reason saying its hurting her and that her child should know how it feels when someone hits you. Since I had noticed the disappointment and embarrassment many times in the child’s eye, I was certain that I should not yell at or scold my child at any point of time. But now, have I lived up to my own words? I doubt.

As proud parents – me and my husband, we discuss on ways and methods to handle our sweet little boy’s behavior – be it good or bad. We remind each other about the “No yelling and No spanking” method. But then, what makes us forget the love and care towards our child whenever he throws tantrums, yell or embarrass us. Of late, I realized it is not the child’s anger and temper, but it is mine. I might have showed my frustrations or perhaps I may have yelled at him for his tantrums since he was a little baby, even before he started talking. He is very smart – observed me very well and just reflecting me, thinking that yelling and shouting is the way to show frustrations. What a scary mirror image! My God! What have I done? It is never too late to make a change.

I certainly want to be an ideal mom to my little boy, but there are times when his behavior and non-cooperation brings frustration and conflict. Every time this happens, I tell him “You are not listening to mama, so don’t talk to me”. At times when the tantrums are uncontrollable, I lose my cool and yell at him. I am ashamed to say that I have even spanked him a couple of time. His sweet answer in either of the case is always “Sorry mama. I will not do it. Never again”. It makes me feel guilty and I too apologize to him immediately. My heart just melts away when he says sorry. I get possessed by a cloud of guilt and become teary eyed.  The next thing I do is take him in my lap or get down to his eye level, reason to him why I lost my control and explain that mama does not like what you do. I feel guilty and I apologize for yelling at him and losing my control. I have even cried on his arms. He understands every bit of it too.  I realize our little boy is barely 3 and he is allowed to yell and throw tantrums if something is amiss, but what I don’t understand is I am 35 and why I throw tantrums at him when he does not listen to me. I quietly tell myself “What is wrong with you? He is just a kid. You are not. You could have handled the situation well, without yelling.” True. Yes, I could have handled such situations better. I am sure majority of the moms recognize these moments. The child hood tantrums and anger is not going to go away on its own. He has got every right to grow up as a child and not behave like a civilized adult.

So, on the day of our 11thwedding Anniversary, which fell on 25 April 2013, I made a resolution – not to yell at the apple of my eye, henceforth. I knew this is going to be hard. Believe me, it is! I am consciously reminding myself to keep calm whenever my temper reaches peak. Its harder than I have imagined. But I am not going to give up on myself. I can do better. I am sure I will live up to my resolution. I am a woman of words. I do not promise anything or anyone easily, but the moment I give the word, I will try hard and harder to keep it – although at times such promises come back and bite me. I know its too early to judge my footing on this resolution, but I felt the need to share it and make it a promise to the world. So here it is – My words of promise to you all – No Yelling No Matter What.

I would love to hear a few words of encouragement from you all. It would be great if you could share your views and opinions and how you handle the tantrums. I too would love to share some of my moments post resolution. After all parenting is the biggest Responsibility in life.